Heya, Yun here. Finally found my login credentials again.
First of all, are most people really that uncomfortable with me being one of the leaders? I never got that feeling from anyone, aside from Aidan.
As for the Pirates, I have an overwhelming total of two toons in those fleets. Their fleet ranks are low, which is how I prefer it. The Pirate fleet has always come after friends and Goddesses.
I'm pretty sure I haven't complained about people buying fleet ships. If anything, I'd encourage more people to get them.
I did support Aidan for a long time and tried to be there for her, but when she started to attack the entire Pirates fleet, most of whom are my friends and most of whom were innocents in her initial conflict with a couple of main Pirate members, she crossed a major line with me.
All I wanted for the Goddesses chat was for it to be an environment free from hatred toward others, believing that such things should be kept private.
Long ago, Aidan asked me to tell her when she was being ridiculous and unreasonable.
I told Aidan to stop, but she wouldn't. I then kicked her out of the chat to make her see that she was being ridiculous and unreasonable.
I also warned her in official fleet leader capacity that if she'd do it again, she'd be kicked out of the fleet, since hatred is not what we're about.
Obviously, this backfired and instead escalated things further, as Aidan kicked most of my toons from the fleet.
Ever since, my self esteem took a major hit and it caused several relapses when it comes to my generalised anxiety disorder, caused by being severely bullied into a suicidal depression in the past.
I started to feel unwanted, unloved, alienated, not worthy enough to be human. Almost exactly how I felt when I was depressed.
And I felt manipulated against, though I never took action.
I feel vilified and demonised.
And I could do nothing but watch as everything we all built these past years almost came tumbling down. A fleet almost destroyed because of all of this stupidity.
All I ever wanted was peace and a place without hate.
Instead, there's nothing but ashes.
I'm very tempted to leave both the Goddesses and the game itself.
The Goddesses are an all
Female Character fleet and heavily focused on being the damn best looking Fleet around (so thats people particularly into the Tailoring and Costume aspects of the game, anyone whos put alot of love into creating their female characters is highly likely to be very welcome to join the fleet but the selection process is tough and only the best of the best are admitted [no boring
standard uniforms here])!
You initiated this problem by your stated intent to boot me from fleet because you were bringing your Pirate issues into Goddesses fleet. You spend the vast majority of your time in Pirates and as a founding member have nearly nothing in the way of contributions to Goddesses fleet precisely because you spend nearly all your time in another fleet - namely Pirates. You started this confrontation on behalf of Pirates not Goddesses. You did pointedly question the purchase of 2 ships and made a point in fleet chat of saying they were unauthorized because they were not approved by you - well as the 2nd Ship Master appointed at the SAME TIME as you I approved the purchases but you never bothered to ask me about them. Instead you unilaterally revoked Tier 6 purchasing permissions. Now frustrated by your complete lack of any interest in talking about things and your continued running and hiding and playing "victim" instead of engaging in constructive dialogue - I finally threw up my hands and left fleet exasperated. Then 2 days ago I returned as I had been told by Serial that I could and you summarily booted me without a word in under 3 minutes. So do not speak of hate in terms of others - have a look in the mirror instead.
ReplyDeleteAidan
Bravo for twisting the story into your favour. And you always assume things, while they couldn't be further away from the truth.
DeleteActually, you brought the issue into the Goddesses by blaming an entire fleet for the actions of two individuals, and all they did (from what I understand), is that they fell for each other instead of one of them continuing with you.
Did you know that one of the innocents is 7 years old?
And is it such a crime for me to hang around and play with friends and defend them when the need arises? Apparently it is, in your eyes.
It is time for you to open them, if you can.
We all choose to spend our time the way we want to, as is our right.
As for the fleet ships, all I ever wanted was to be notified when you approved them, so I could update the fleet ship list I intended to keep on my PC.
From what I understand from Serial, he did want you back, but not immediately, so that we could take the time and heal first before your return. Also, Serial didn't notify me that you two had that conversation until after the fact.
You wonder why I'm done with you? This is why.
Whenever something happens, you twist the truth in ways that benefit you, making it seems that it's always another person's fault.
You are always playing the victim here.
You know what? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for daring to be a human being with his own wants, needs and desires. I'm sorry for not being a mindless drone who accepts everything you say anymore. And I'm especially sorry to all of the other Goddesses who have been hurt by this.
But you, Aidan... I've looked in this mirror of yours and I saw that I did the right thing.
You can have it back. Stare deeply into it, see everything you did wrong.
Open your eyes.
You still fail to acknowledge that you started things, repeatedly attacked me and you fail to acknowledge that I have publicly apologized in fleet chat (which you were forced to restore after you cut it off) for the commentary and for my response to your initial attack. My apology and voluntarily stepping down from level 7 to level 6 were not enough for you and you kept at it.
ReplyDeleteUltimately, until you realize that is you who have kept this going and admit your own culpability in this there really can't be any forward progress. There is nothing to negotiate or compromise on until both are willing to come to the table.
I've already repeatedly demonstrated my willingness to yield points and give ground. I have not seen any indication that you have any intent at all to compromise or even hold a constructive dialogue.
As far as playing the victim goes, I'm not the one making public statements about health issues caused by a game; Get a grip, be an adult and face the consequences of your own actions, the fleet is dissolving because you completely fail to acknowledge YOUR part in this. I've already apologized multiple times and accepted responsibility for my part.
Fleudermaus, based on your responses to Ang's very brave response here, your immediate action is a totally uncaring one. This is NOT any Goddess I know, and I now feel that I barely know you.
ReplyDeleteYou said: "have nearly nothing in the way of contributions to Goddesses"
Well, it was all I could do to not openly swear at you publicly. Instead of wasting words in acts given cause by a friend, I will instead answer you:
Yun-In (aka Angarus) have given 4 Goddess Blessed YEARS to our fleet. She founded the fleet and brought it to life. She made an environemnt safe for all and spoke out for those who where opressed.
What have YOU Fleudermaus brought to the fleet in your under 2 years? I'll tell you:
o Alot of effort in matters of the game mechanics (as a Goddess I give exactly zero weighting in importants to matters of game mechanics).
o Gossip, rumor, dischord and left hurt people.
o Power mongering, posturing and stories of how you've been punished by a fleet that embrassed you without question and accepted YOUR view of yourself.
o Some new members.
For me, as a Goddess, this does not hold the same worth. Before your most recent response, response to a person confession hurt, a response which contained no sympathy or understanding (which is what I will never not give ANYONE let alone a hurt person) I was inclined to continue to work for your reinstatement.
Now, I'm inclined to reconsider.
[...]What have YOU Fleudermaus brought to the fleet in your under 2 years? I'll tell you:
Deleteo Alot of effort in matters of the game mechanics (as a Goddess I give exactly zero weighting in importants to matters of game mechanics).[...]
Seri, I hate to say this, but: I'm taking personal offense in this statement, given how much work and dedication I pumped into the KDF fleet holdings, trying desperatly to keep them up with the Fed ones. So all of my work there is worth NOTHING to you? And I wouldn't be surprised if there are a lot of other Goddesses who will take offense in this as well. Being a small fleet in general we have so many odds against us in making any progress in our fleet holdings. We cheered with glee with every major step we made as a whole, as a fleet, AS A COMMUNITY... and all of this means NOTHING to you?
Hey, so I was searching back through the blog and sad to re-read this troubled patch. I have to say that Fluedermaus is a good friend and good person. I do keep in touch irregularly, and re-reading my reply, now also very much over everything, I do think I didn't paint another half of Fluedermaus:
DeleteShe brought alot of care into the fleet, in terms of wanting to push everything forward. She felt at all times she was giving her upmost and was contributing substantially in terms of dillithium and other contributions. She didn't out contribute people like Rho and Aly who are both amazingly humble about the amounts they give! Which are truly incredible. Though she was and is someone who pointed out how much she gave when situations became fractious which is why I was unimpressed. I come from a background and family where to bring to your own giving to attention is at best being a cad. Giving is something to do quietly and with love and each to what they can afford. The little contribution of the poor is worth 10x more than the riches of the rich. So when it was brought up as a 'thing' it set me in a negative position, but I do understand that for some that is the measure of love, how much is given and that comparing what is given is the sign or real over lesser love (from what I gather). Anyway, whats certain is Fluedermaus is a real life hero and has given alot in life without asking for much back (not sure if she would appreciate me revealing their work, so I'll just say 'public servant' in the best sense) in return. So I guess, in the comparison, I'm definitely lesser in such respects. We won't ever agree on how we both saw this past, but we are still friends.
After taking a few days off to calm down...
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for my part in letting everything escalate and get out of hand and causing this pain.